Bullying

Definition
Bully 
One who is habitually cruel or overbearing, especially to smaller or weaker people. noun
To be cruel or over bearing, especially to smaller or weaker people. verb

Is This Bullying?

According to the Institute for Educational Research and Service, bullying is intentional, repeated, one-sided (a child who bullied is not remorseful, child who is bullied gets hurt) and involves the abuse of power. It is sometimes direct and can involve hitting, pushing, property damage, name calling or verbal abuse, or the use of obscene gestures. Indirect bullying can involve spreading rumors, exclusion, or getting another person to do the dirty work. Cyber bullying can be direct or indirect. 


The Institute for Educational Research and Service also clearly states that there is a difference between normal peer conflict and bullying. Because of recent media obsession with the topic, the line between normal peer conflict and bullying has blurred, and it seems some people believe all conflict between children at school involves bullying. 


I totally understand the hysteria. I mean, gosh, just look at poor Demi Lovato. The Disney star was recently on tour with the Jonas Brothers and snapped. Unable to control her anger, she hit a dancer.  It seems she's had a troubled past and needs to go into a treatment program. According to a CNN program, the root of her problems is not that she is an indulged child star, but that she was bullied. These days, news stories related to bullying are everywhere- from our local newspaper to People magazine.  


About a month into the school year, a group of kindergarteners got into a scuffle at recess. They all wanted to climb on a piece of play equipment and instead of taking turns, they all tried to climb it at the same time. They pushed, pulled, and one girl kicked. The teacher on duty sent the group to my office. Each child told their version of the incident, and in the end it was clear that this was a teachable moment. This group of students, new to school and the playground, needed some strategies for group play. We discussed and practiced making better choices and taking turns. We practiced using I statements and going to get help. We role played. Then I went into each kindergarten class and taught a short lesson.


The next day, I got a call from an angry parent who wanted to know what I was going to do about the bullying in kindergarten. The parent read the district's bullying policy and then described what had happened on the playground. Consequences were necessary, and parents should have been notified... I just listened and then explained what had actually occurred. I was told that what we'd done was not satisfactory and that if her child was ever involved in any kind of conflict, she needed to be notified. 


I encourage and appreciate parent involvement, but honestly, that was over the top. 


Problem solving, resolving conflict, and strategies for dealing with bullying are a part of the school curriculum. All teachers and the school counselor are working to help teach those important life skills. And because of the publicity, we're being more explicit and direct as we teach the skills. We can do a better job, and we're working on it. Our school is a safe and caring place. Is there some bullying? Yes. But we're working to deal with it. And we want and NEED parent support. But if Johnny is being bullied at home by an angry dad, he might come to school and do just what he's learned at home. We need to teach him strategies to cope with anger and conflict. 


So, for now, we're encouraging a team approach to this issue. Everyone needs to work together- the school, the parents, and the children. And the team needs to be educated to be able to separate bullying from normal peer conflict. Because conflict is a part of life. We all have to deal with it and it comes in many different levels and from many sources.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7RPCFfudmU